Welcome to EVERGREEN OUTREACH!

Piece No. 1 - I (Ginny) was three when my parents divorced. I visited my military-career father occasionally when he was not stationed out of the country. When he remarried and had a son, my stepmother quickly let me know my place. It was on the outside of Dad’s new life, looking in. On a positive note, this made it easy for me to make him my hero. I simply couldn’t know him well; therefore, I ignored his shortcomings (which we all have), and exaggerated in my mind his many attributes.

Piece No. 2 - When he died last January, I was invited to his full military funeral. I will never again be able to salute our flag or hear Taps without blinking back tears. I had been secretly hoping my stepmother and half- brother would give me my father’s Army ring. They didn’t. They gave it to my sister. They did, however, give me Dad’s dress uniform, complete with insignia and ribbons in place. I had the jacket professionally framed, and it is hanging in my guest bedroom (which I’ve redecorated in red, white, blue, and brass. It’s AWESOME!)

Piece No. 3 - Retired, and In his eighties, my father had founded a church program that trained handicapped individuals, then found jobs for them in the community. When a new pastor cancelled the program, over my father’s protestations, Dad simply opened his own business (Fox Vocational Services in SF), and continued the same program under his own steam. His right hand man was a woman named Hilary.

Piece No. 4 - On the occasions when my stepmother would allow me to visit, Dad always told me with pride, “We have 25 (30, or whatever) people placed in jobs!” and he spoke of Hilary in glowing terms. In time, he participated less actively in the business, and Hilary took the helm. I met her at my father’s funeral. Months later Frank and I drove to SF, visited Fox Vocational Services for the first time, and in conversation I mentioned to Hilary that my sister had been given Dad’s Army ring, and I his uniform. I said (truthfully), “At first I was disappointed because I would have actually worn his ring -- but in retrospect I realize if I hadn’t been given the uniform, it probably would have just been tucked away somewhere in mothballs. Now it is proudly displayed, and I know Dad would be very pleased.”

Piece No. 5 - My father had a birthstone ring that he wore on his other hand. Hilary found it in a drawer and gave it to me - for which I will be eternally grateful. Even though the ring is large and clunky and far from feminine, I’ve been thrilled to wear it. Then… it disappeared! Because the last time I could remember wearing it was to a dinner dance in Brookside, Frank immediately called and left a message on a machine describing the ring --and when we didn’t hear back I spent the next two weeks searching our house, cars, yard and clothing for it. I don’t believe that missing ring was out of my mind for a single second.

Piece No. 6 - Recently on a Saturday morning Frank’s cel phone rang.

It was a woman from the Country Club saying she found a ring she believed was “his.” We drove over (in our filthy working-in-the-yard clothes, no less) and sure enough she handed my ring to Frank, who handed it to me. We were too dirty to hug her, and in too big a hurry to remove our disheveled selves from the pristine premises to tell her in detail what the ring means to me. But I knew I’d be sending a thank you note, so I asked her name.

Piece No. 7 - She said… “Hilary.”

Life. When the pieces fit, they fit. During those l o n g two weeks, I was heartbroken over the loss of Dad’s ring, which I had felt so privileged to wear. Anytime I caught myself thinking, “It’s my own fault. It was irresponsible of me. I didn’t deserve the ring. It wasn’t meant to be mine” -- or whatever -- I would immediately replace those words with an affirmation -- “I have found my father’s ring.” This helped to keep me functional (as opposed to curled up on the couch in the fetal position with my eyes swollen shut from crying) -- because even though I consciously knew the statement to be false, on a subconscious level my body and behavior responded favorably to the positive message. This is the way affirmations work. Tell yourself that what you want to accomplish, you’ve already accomplished. On a cognitive level -- lesson learned. A ring too large for your finger should never be mixed with fine wine and crazy dancing to a great band.